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in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television

-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. thank you very much. that's the crowd i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] new york city crowd. welcome, everybody. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." happy friday. oh, man. it's been raining all week here in new york city. oh, man. luckily, i have a lot of indoor stuff to do this weekend. i'm going to see the new facebook movie. [ cheers ] i'm going to check my facebook messages. [ laughter ] i'm going to post a review of the facebook movie i just saw on facebook. [ light laughter ] and if i have time, i'm going to catch up on the news feed on facebook. so, it's very interesting, very tough, very busy weekend i have. that's right, "the social network" came out today, the new movie about facebook. it's such a cool film, until halfway through when your mom joins the theater and starts looking through your drunk photos. you're like, "mom!" [ laughter ] "i'm not your friend, mom. i'll mom you, but i won't friend you." [ light laughter ]

some big political news, you guys. white house chief of staff rahm emanuel announced today that he is leaving to run for mayor of chicago. [ scattered cheers ] he said it won't be easy to say good-bye to obama. and then voters were like, "eh, it's easier than you think." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] here's some celebrity news. heidi montag and spencer pratt have officially called off their divorce. spencer -- that's right. that's big news. [ laughter ] spencer was like, "i can't wait to kiss those lips again." and heidi was like, "oh, they're right in that jar over there." [ laughter ] "i miss them, too." listen to this. apple's ceo steve jobs is reportedly planning to build a new $8.4 million mansion in california. that's right. then in six months, he's going to throw it out and buy a $10 million mansion with a built-in camera. [ light laughter ] it's so much better. hey, you guys hear about this?

mel gibson's ex-girlfriend was just awarded an extra $15,000 a month in child support. when asked how the ruling made him feel, mel replied, "see internet." [ laughter ] get this. arnold schwarzenegger signed a bill today that only requires you to pay $100 if you're caught with marijuana. what's the point of getting paranoid anymore? it's like, "dude, it's the cops!" "don't worry, i went to the atm." [ laughter ] and finally, united and continental have completed a $3.4 billion merger to form the world's largest airline. yep. they were following that old business adage, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it. but if it is broke, just make it twice as big and maybe no one will notice." [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show. give it up for roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

>> jimmy: yeah, that's right, everybody. we have a fantastic finish to the week tonight. the beautiful, the talented helen mirren is here. [ cheers and applause ] so cool. the writer of "the social network," aaron sorkin is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] he's kind of a genius. love that guy. and we have some stand-up from a very, very funny comedian, one of the first comedians we've ever had on our show, actually the first comedian we had on our show. anthony jeselnik is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's returning. i don't know if you guys have seen these little guys down at the nbc experience store, but i'm obsessed with them. they're "late night with jimmy fallon" flying party monkeys. [ light laughter ] and i can't get enough of these dudes. they're really fun. i've been shooting them around at people around the office. it's like a slingshot. you just pull them and shoot them at people. yeah, you come around the corner, you get a party monkey right in the puss. [ laughter ]

i've even been reprimanded a few times. i don't care 'cause i love doing it. tonight, i was like, "i'm going to shoot one of these at someone in the audience." and the producer was like, "don't do it, man!" but i don't care what they say. i'm going to do it anyway. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey! hey, monkey, monkey, monkey! bang! ♪ you got it! [ applause ] you got it. gosh, you look really psyched. [ laughter ] really excited. look how excited that guy is. wow, the thrill of that monkey just glowing in his face. so psyched. why don't you stand up, show everyone what you won. stand up, there you go. you're a good man. [ cheers and applause ]

i also want to just tell you a little something. this is true. you didn't only just catch that monkey. you also just won a $10,000 home entertainment system from denon. that's right. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] i'm talking blu-ray player, a receiver, 7.1 surround sound system, the works. [ cheers and applause ] [ sad tuba ] [ laughter ] guy, you don't get excited about anything. are you okay? what's happening? are you bummed out? [ laughter ] you just won a $10,000 entertainment system. are you psyched? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i would hate to play poker with this guy, man. [ laughter ] well, congratulations. [ laughter ] you never know what's going to happen here.

i almost forgot, i don't want anybody -- everybody else to go home empty-handed, so every person in the audience tonight is going to get a pair of these awesome denon headphones. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ they are worth 100 bones, and everybody gets a pair of these. [ cheers and applause ] that's how you react. that's how you react to getting something. [ cheers and applause ] he's not excited. [ laughter ] it's all courtesy of denon, who're celebrating their 100th anniversary today. congratulations, guys, and thank you for this. [ cheers and applause ] grumpy person, just not excited. [ laughter ] you guys, today is friday. and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some e-mails and, of course, send out thank-you notes.

well, i'm running a bit behind today. so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd just like to write out my weekly thank-you notes right now. is that okay with you guys? is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] thank you. james, can i get some thank-you notes writing music? ♪ [ laughter ] gosh. what's wrong with your mouth? ♪ [ laughter ] thank you, spencer pratt, for calling off your divorce to heidi montag and realizing that, in the end, she was made for you -- literally. [ laughter ] ♪

thank you, tiny gourds, for somehow being an autumn home decorating staple, even though you look like a wart-covered pumpkin turd. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, first lady of cameroon, for looking like the long lost lovechild of ronald mcdonald and jackee. [ laughter ] jackee, how is it going? [ as jackee ] >> steve: "it's going good." [ laughter ] "jimmy fallon, i love your show. thank you very much for that stereo system." [ laughter ] "$10,000, thank you." >> jimmy: when do you ever get to do your jackee impression? >> steve: never. this is the first time ever. >> jimmy: it's so good. >> steve: working on it all summer. >> jimmy: "mary!" >> steve: "mary. that's 228. it's next door." [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: "i live in 328, upstairs." >> steve: "ms. molly gibbs." ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, chrysler, for firing 13 employees who were drinking at lunch, or as we call them at this show, writers. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, ladies who wear cute rubber boots when it rains. [ light laughter ] who are you, the morton salt girl? [ laughter ] are you 5 years old? no, you're 45 years old, and wearing boots with little whales on them makes you look like a weird, giant toddler who lost her lunchbox. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow.

>> jimmy: thank you, lunch lady gaga, for serving me tater tots in a meat dress. [ light laughter ] you know lunch lady gaga? [ light laughter ] well, i just sent a thank-you note to her. >> steve: i'll give it to her. she's downstairs. >> jimmy: cool. >> steve: "put that over here, oh. thank you for the tater tots, lady ga-ga. my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my hot plate." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is lunch lady gaga jackee? [ light laughter ] >> steve: yeah, i think so. i think so. apparently. >> jimmy: all right. ♪ thank you, wine cork collection.

i know i never got around to making that corkboard, but look how much i drink. [ laughter ] bowl full of wine corks. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what's in those hefty bags? >> jimmy: that's last summer. ♪ thank you, my friend's cat who aggressively rubs up against me and leaves hair all over my leg when i come to visit, but then runs away the minute i try to pet you. what, you don't like me anymore, you dumb cat? who cares? i've got throw pillows with more personal than you. oh, and by the way, nice ass [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] what is wrong with this guy? those are my thank-you notes, everybody. thank you so much. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you for watching. hope you had a great week and are off to a great weekend. are you guys familiar with craigslist? [ cheers and applause ] it's that website where you can post all different kinds of things for free, personal ads, job listings, classified ads, community announcements, whatever you want. it's a great website. in fact, we think it's so great here that we offer a similar service here at "late night." we call it "jimmy's list." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, it's no secret that we've got the best audience in the world right here tonight at "late night." [ cheers and applause ] we know that you guys have lots of interesting stuff to share. so before the show, we passed out one of these forms to everyone in the audience. we gave you guys a chance to post anything you want on jimmy's list for the entire world to see. so, let's look at some of the postings that we got tonight. okay. this one's from alec nixon. where is alec nixon? alec? where?

hey, you must be psyched. [ laughter ] yeah, someone next to you won a giant entertainment system. [ laughter ] you're not selling an entertainment system, are you? [ laughter ] all right. well, this one, alec's lost and found item. it says you lost your western civ notebook, lost in the empire state building. "call kirk alec nixon. please, no name jokes." hope you get your western civ notebook back. >> i hope so, too. >> jimmy: is that girl next to you a hostage or something? [ laughter ] >> her name is britney. >> jimmy: britney, okay. good. are you guys dating? >> uh, no. awkward. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, moving on. next one is from --

a lot of my conversations are awkward. this next one if from nate mann. what's up, nate? where are you? there you go, there's nate right there. right next to you. there you are. [ applause ] from trenton, new jersey. he is listing an item for sale. he has for sale, "a good left leg. leg is like new, 30 inches long, slightly muscular, permanently tanned, will come with foot attached, one sock, and one left nike shoe. can e-mail me for pictures, asking $50 firm." [ laughter ] that's it right there. [ applause ] is that a prosthetic leg? >> no, it's real. >> jimmy: it's a real leg. >> it's real. >> jimmy: why do you want to sell your leg? >> i need money. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fair enough. there you go. [ laughter ] can't argue with that. this one is from erin -- erin hays from houston, texas. erin, are you in the audience? [ applause ] there you are, right there. right in front. hey, erin.

erin has a community announcement to make. here it is right here. "i am too hung over to think right now. fyi, warm tequila shots are bad." [ laughter and applause ] where is sherry merber from new jersey? sherry? hey, sherry, how are you? [ applause ] sherry is offering a service. it's a service up here. sherry says, quote, you're able to tie a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue. i've seen this before, but i can't do it. can you do it for us today if we give you a cherry? >> i can try. >> jimmy: you can try? go for it. here we go. roots, you got any cherry tying knot music? ♪ [ laughter ] ♪

[ cheers and applause ] there you go. i'm going to take your word for it, there. it looks like a chewed up twizzler. [ laughter ] that might have been a knot. dan harlach? [ applause ] where's dan? where are you, buddy? there's dan right there. get him a microphone. dan has a -- what does he have? job wanted. here we go. he has, "group of friends with no talent, ambition or career aspiration seeking reality tv gig, 'arkansas shore.' gtl, gun racks, trucks and loving your cousins." [ laughter ] we got time for one more. jess pugh is it? jess p-u-g-h? am i pronouncing that correctly? you say that you're looking to "hire the roots to serenade my wife and i on our honeymoon." [ audience aws ] [ applause ] is your wife here?

hey, there's your wife right there. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. i'll tell you what. we can't send the roots on your honeymoon with you, but we can have them serenade you right now if you guys want to have a slow dance right now. is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] stand up. roots, what do you think? >> tariq: all right. one, two, three. ♪ ♪ on the wings of love up and above the clouds the only way to fly is on the wings of love ♪ ♪ on the wings of love only the two of us together flying high flying high ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank everyone in our audience for posting. congratulations, you guys. stick around. we'll be back with helen mirren, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ waves crashing ]

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are only one hundred thirty miles apart. they may as well be on different planets. sacramento, mismanaged, ineffective. silicon valley gave us apple, intel, ebay. here meg whitman started with 30 people. led them. managed them. executed the plan that grew this main street company to fifteen thousand employees and made small business dreams come true. to change california let's send meg whitman up the road... about a hundred and thirty miles. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our first guest is an emmy and academy award-winning actress, whose new film "red" is in theaters october 15th. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the beautiful dame helen mirren. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. this is fantastic. dame helen mirren, thank you so much for being here. yes. >> oh, mr. james fallon. >> jimmy: now, am i -- am i in trouble? >> does anyone ever call you james? >> jimmy: yeah, i think -- >> james. >> jimmy: james. >> sit up straight, james. >> jimmy: "q" calls me james. "mr. bond." >> you've got the cleanest shoes i've ever seen in my life. >> jimmy: you stepped on my shoes on the way in -- you're like -- >> i did. i had to dirty them up a bit,

you know? >> jimmy: yeah, i said, "my shoes are really shiny." you go, "they're too shiny." >> they're a bit militaristic. >> jimmy: they are. they're very shiny shoes, yeah. >> yeah, very, very -- look. too shiny. >> jimmy: yeah, a little shine to it. you stepped all over it. it was very good. i did -- i wrote you a -- i wrote you a letter 'cause i just heard that you'd -- that you had become upset with something that -- >> no, i didn't know anything about it. no one ever told me. >> jimmy: i mean, hilarious. >> so i got this letter out of the blue saying, "i'm so sorry." and what for? what have you done? i want to know. what did you do? >> jimmy: i said a joke about you. >> you did? >> jimmy: yeah. >> what was it? was it rude? >> jimmy: well -- you sent me an e-mail back. i apologized to you. i said, "i'm sorry, 'cause gosh, i love you so much." and you sent me an e-mail back. you said, "what did you say? was it very rude? i hope so." [ laughter ] now, you are from england, obviously, with your beautiful accent. where exactly from england? where'd you grow up? >> well, i grew up in a town called southend-on-sea, which is kind of to the east of london. it's where all the eastenders go for their sort of, you know, holidays, for their one-night stands, for their --

to get drunk and throw up and have a fight. [ laughter ] >> jimmy sound like a blast. yeah, yeah. >> well, you know that you've got the show on television here called "jersey shore," right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> which i kind of watched the other day. and i thought, "my god, that's just like my hometown." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was like "jersey shore"? exactly. >> that's exactly it. although, actually, nowadays "jersey shore" is like almost any town in england on a friday or saturday night, you know? >> jimmy: clubbing and partying and going out? >> crazy. it's gone crazy. the world's gone crazy. >> jimmy: it's kind of fascinating watching the show, 'cause i realize just how different i am from those people. >> yes, i know. we're good -- >> jimmy: i can't relate to that at all. >> are you a good boy, trying to be a bad boy? >> jimmy: yes. >> yeah, me too. >> jimmy: are you -- >> i'm a good girl trying to be a bad girl. >> jimmy: yeah. >> very unsuccessfully. >> jimmy: i'm very unsuccessful. yeah, i'm a very -- i don't like to go out. the guys are like, "well, if there's not a crowd of people outside of that club, i don't want to go." >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm like, "that would be the club i would go to." yeah, i'd be like -- there's no one there. >> you can do anything you want on the dance floor. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. no one's looking at me horribly dancing, yeah. [ laughter ] let's talk about "red." this movie "red." big action. big, fun movie based on the comic book.

you play an assassin in the movie, which you -- >> i'm retired. >> jimmy: retired, yes. >> retired and extremely dangerous is what "red" stands for. >> jimmy: that's very cool. >> and that's me and bruce willis and morgan freeman and john malkovich and brian cox and -- >> jimmy: he's great. the cast is fantastic. >> it's fantastic. >> jimmy: it's so good. >> it's really fun. >> jimmy: i mean, there's scenes in there -- you play kind of a -- almost like, i don't know -- unassuming. >> well, i'm running -- you know, my character's running a sort of -- a very nice bed and breakfast sort of place with, you know, lovely flowers and lovely scones for breakfast and that -- you know, that's one of those very chichi little bed and breakfast places. but she's actually a retired assassin and is actually extremely dangerous. >> jimmy: yes, absolutely and -- but you -- >> i get to shoot every size of gun you can possibly think of. [ light laughter ] you know the most terrifying thing about a gun is? well, the most difficult thing about shooting guns on film is not pulling a silly face while you shoot them because your instinct is to go sort of like --

[ grunt ] [ laughter ] you know, or -- you just can't help it. like -- [ grunts ] >> jimmy: you got to try to be totally cool like you're not doing it. >> "cut! helen, sorry, you can't stick your tongue out like that. it doesn't look -- it doesn't look very cool." >> jimmy: you can't play with it, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you can't do that. >> jimmy: we actually have a clip of you firing a gun. but you got to see how cool helen mirren is in "red." check it out. here's a clip. >> i love it here. i love the baking. i love the flower arranging. i like the routine. well, i -- i do get a bit restless sometimes. >> mm-hmm. >> i take the odd contract on the side. [ gunfire ]

i just can't stop. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, you are a bad ass. i love it. super cool. steel. steel vision. have you ever heard of a game called beer pong? >> i've seen beer pong. >> jimmy: yes, you've seen it. >> you man-child, you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i've already been spanked. this is fantastic. i was just wondering, would you like to play me in a game of beer pong? >> well, i've got a new version of beer pong, which is you drink all the beer first and then you play the game. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i'm already half in the bag, so this is perfect. >> my other version is russian pong where you -- i want russian pong with little shots of vodka. >> jimmy: oh, my god. you got to come to a fallon family reunion. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's fantastic. that'll be great. well, when we come back, helen mirren and i are going head-to-head in beer pong. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ anncr: filmed in front of a fake audience.

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see if america's most prescribed ed treatment are only one hundred thirty miles apart. they may as well be on different planets. sacramento, mismanaged, ineffective. silicon valley gave us apple, intel, ebay. here meg whitman started with 30 people.

led them. managed them. executed the plan that grew this main street company to fifteen thousand employees and made small business dreams come true. to change california let's send meg whitman up the road... about a hundred and thirty miles. so hot, rattlesnakes combust. ♪ but we go, cause ya gotta eat bold. [ male announcer ] subway fiery footlong subs. the bold-acious new turkey jalapeño melt and buffalo chicken. subway. eat bold! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with academy award winner and my celebrity crush, dame helen mirren. so obviously, we're playing beer pong here. >> obviously. >> jimmy: the rules are simple. we'll take turns. one shot each. the ball lands in your cup, chug the beer. >> mm-hm. chug? what does chug mean? >> jimmy: you don't even taste it. just go -- just straight down.

>> knock it back. >> jimmy: just like a shot, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> ay-yi-yi. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yep. i can tell you're excited. first one to land two wins. let's do this. you're awesome. here we go. helen, you go first. you stand behind your cup. ♪ now, i can distract you too. >> that's not very distracting. >> jimmy: all right. all right, here we go. all right. all right, i was way off. >> useless. you do it -- you do this every night, i mean -- useless. >> jimmy: no, i don't -- wait, i got to get used to it, here we go. you're throwing me. you're throwing me. >> are you doing it -- you're doing it bad on purpose. >> jimmy: no -- please. i'm going for the win. i'm going for the jugular. >> is it my turn? >> jimmy: yes, please. >> oh, close, right? i better concentrate. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: sorry about that. >> you nearly got my other cup. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have to drink beer out of what i have to drink beer out of.

that's fine. >> oh. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: see how fun this is this? [ laughter ] >> it's such fun, i can't tell you. get -- dang it. ♪ >> jimmy: you have to drink it, unless you don't want to. you want me to drink it? >> no, no, no, i'll drink it. >> jimmy: wait, look at you -- come on! you are a bad ass. i love it. [ laughter ] two at once. [ applause ] oh, my god! oh, you are unbelievable. all right, let's go. we're playing to two. >> actually, it's rather good. >> jimmy: it was? >> it's good, yeah. >> jimmy: bud light lime, i believe. >> oh, my god. [ light laughter ] is it my turn again? >> jimmy: yes. >> now i'll be much better. >> jimmy: that was better. come on. [ audience ohs ] >> don't go, "oh." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're rooting for me. >> you got to go, "yay!

he missed! fantastic!" >> jimmy: here we go. [ audience ohs ] >> i'm never very good with balls, you know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there we go. ♪ >> you drink that one. that's got the ball in it. oh, no, it doesn't -- >> jimmy: you are my favorite ever. thank you so much for coming on the show. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're beautiful. helen mirren. "red" is in theaters october 15th. go see it. aaron sorkin joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ host: could switching to geico really save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance? do woodchucks chuck wood? (high-pitched laughter) man: hey you dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!

vo: geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. what makes a hershey's bar pure? ["melt with you" playing] pure fun. pure joy. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. where the sun's so hot it rains fire. and then you gotta eat the flame. [ male announcer ] subway fiery footlong subs. the bold-acious new turkey jalapeño melt and buffalo chicken. subway. eat bold!

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: god, i love helen mirren. i would love to have her at a party. doesn't she look like a fun person to go party with? [ cheers and applause ] love her. our next guest is a prodigious and talented dramatic writer whose hits include "a few good men" and "the west wing." his new film "the social network" opens everywhere today. please welcome aaron sorkin, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, thank you, thank you so much for being here. >> my pleasure to be here. can i just explain something? i really wanted to change my clothes before i came on, because this is late night, this is hip. you're you, you've got the roots, you've got helen mirren playing beer pong. there wasn't time to change my

clothes, so that's why it looks like i'm prepared for an emergency regatta party at the newport yacht club. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think it's fantastic. i think it's a very nice choice of clothing. >> thanks. >> jimmy: and you look sharp. you look very good. i got to say -- this movie's fantastic. >> i appreciate that, thanks. >> jimmy: well-written movie. "the social network" -- we had a bunch of the cast on our show. >> the whole week you've had -- it's been a "social network" week on "jimmy fallon." we really appreciate it. >> jimmy: i think this is gonna be the number one movie. i think it's a great film. a lot of the dialogue is very fast, like, very rapid-fire. >> well, it had to be because the script was 162 pages long. usually, a screenplay is about 120 pages is what gets you an average size movie. >> jimmy: that's 40 extra pages. >> 40 extra pages. but our great director, david fincher, swore to the studio that it wasn't the 162-minute movie. and the first day that we worked together, he came ot my house with a stopwatch and said, "you're gonna read the whole script out loud, scene by scene, at the pace that you heard it in your head when you were writing it."

so, we'd do the first scene, and you'd click a stopwatch. it's five minutes and seven seconds. and then when we went into rehearsal, the actors were doing it at 5 minutes and 45 seconds. he'd say, "no, guys, this plays at five minutes and seven seconds and that's how we have to do it." we predicted that the movie would be an hour and 59 minutes. it's and hour and 57 minutes. >> jimmy: wow. oh, my gosh. so you did do -- you beat that -- you beat the time? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, you did it. that's -- >> that's all that was important to us. not making a good movie. getting the time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, getting the time. you don't care about making a good movie. >> no, no, no. it was just proving to sony that we were right about the time. [ laughter ] david fincher, if you don't know him, he's the director of -- last year he got an oscar nomination for "benjamin button." he directed "fight club," "seven," "zodiac." >> jimmy: yeah, he's an amazing director. >> and, as a matter of or fact, it's not intuitively, at first glace, a logical marriage of director and material because david -- what he's most known for is being peerless as a visual director, and i write people talking in rooms. so, he came in and he absolutely

embraced the fact that it was a story told with language, and he brought his distinctive visual style to it. got great performances out of the actors. but in cutting the movie, he makes scenes of coding and hacking look like it's a bank robbery. plus, trent reznor from nine inch nails scored the movie. >> jimmy: it's a fantastic score. everything's -- i'm on the edge of my seat. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: it's well-done, i mean -- but the lines -- i gotta give it to you -- well, you're here, i gotta compliment you a little bit. there's so many -- there's a couple lines -- one line i loved is like -- 'cause this guy invents this little thing, it's called facemash or whatever, because a girl broke up with him and -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then it just starts getting huge, and now everyone wants money and everyone wants to sue this guy. and he's just a college kid. and at one line, he goes -- he goes, "if you were the inventors of facebook, you would've invented facebook." >> yeah, he's being sued. the whole movie revolves around two separate lawsuits brought against facebook and its founder, mark zuckerberg, at roughly the same time. mark was a 19-year-old harvard sophomore. he did this thing out of his dorm room, and it was just supposed to be just for harvard

kids. but two lawsuits were brought against facebook at roughly the same time, one of them being that three other kids claim he stole the idea from them. so it's a lot of the movie comes out of these deposition scenes that kind of play like courtroom dramas. and jesse eisenberg, who you had on the show -- he plays mark zuckerberg -- just loses it, and says, "if you guys were the inventors of facebook, you'd have invented facebook." >> jimmy: yes, i love that line. but now, now zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire in the world. >> the youngest billionaire in the world, that's right. >> jimmy: were you were afraid that he was gonna sue you? >> no, i was afraid that there's a building full of people who know how to hack onto my hard drive and put child porn there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's probably -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: that would destroy your life, yeah. better than suing you. >> absolutely, but -- >> jimmy: i love that's where your mind went. you're like, "oh, he's trickier than that. he's trickier than that." >> i've got lawyers for suing. this, i don't know what to do with. [ laughter ] but -- we just found out, and i think

this is great news -- he has just rented out a -- he's bought out a whole movie theater. he's taking the entire staff of facebook to see the movie tonight. >> jimmy: is he really? >> yeah, i think it's really cool. >> jimmy: that's awesome that he did that. >> yeah, he did something else really cool, by the way. he just announced that he's donating $100 million to the newark public school system. >> jimmy: that's right. [ cheers and applause ] >> $100 million dollars. >> jimmy: $100 million dollars. >> yes. this is a school system that could really use the -- every school system can use the money, and this is one of them. but, you know, it was met with some cynicism in the press because people thought that he was doing it to deflect the criticism that was gonna come his way because the movie opens today. and i got to say that, you know, i don't think that the kids or their parents or the teachers give a damn why he gave them the money. i think all you say is, "thank you." >> jimmy: i totally agree with you, yeah, absolutely. [ cheers and applause ] you gotta see this movie, "the social network." it's a very exciting movie about something happening. it's a happening and -- here's a clip of when it just kind of starts happening.

>> "relationship status." "interested in." this is what drives life in college. are you having sex or aren't you? it's why people take certain classes and sit where they sit and do what they do and, at it's -- center, you know, that's what the facebook is gonna be about. people are gonna log on because after all the cake and watermelon, there's a chance they're gonna -- >> gonna get laid. >> meet a girl, yes. >> that is really good. >> and that was it. >> what do you mean? >> it's ready. >> it's ready? >> yeah. >> right now? >> that was it. [ indistinguishable ] here's the masthead. >> you made a masthead. >> yeah. >> you have no idea what that's gonna mean to my father. >> sure i do. >> so when's it go online? >> right now. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's it. thank you so much. >> thanks so much. >> jimmy: aaron sorkin, you look fantastic, buddy. my thanks to aaron sorkin. my buddy anthony jeselnik after the break. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ah, focus group. so what are we testing here?

that's our new pastrami grilled sandwich. oh, great. hey, are they happy we got rid of the rye bread? totally. they love our grilled artisan bread. they say it's the perfect compliment to the classic hot pastrami, melting cheese, deli mustard and pickles. awesome. hey, um what are we testing in that room? oh! nothing we were just hazin' the intern. life leaves spaces for you to create in,

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to appoint school board members. he gets it, and promises better schools. but the drop out rate increases...50%. the school budget goes into a 100 million dollar deficit. the schools become so bad...the state has to take them over. it was "largely a bust," he admitted. jerry brown. failure as governor. failure as mayor. failure we can't afford now. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a hilarious comedian whose first cd "shakespeare" is burning up the itunes comedy charts. please welcome back to the show one of our good friends, anthony jeselnik, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, thank you so much. it is so great to be here under these circumstances. [ light laughter ] last christmas, i told my girlfriend for months in advance, months, "baby, all i want from you this year is an xbox. that's it. beginning and end of list, xbox." you know what she got me? a homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. which was fine, because i got her an xbox. [ laughter and applause ]

i just read the biography of the guy who invented super mario bros. [ scattered applause ] did you know that when he was -- i don't know why you're clapping. [ laughter ] but did you know that when he was a kid, people used to laugh at him when he would kill turtles with a hammer? [ laughter ] that's where you should have clapped. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] i loved college. college was the best. the only thing i didn't like about college was calculus. i hated calculus. and i was failing calculus so badly that i tried to get my girlfriend to sleep with my professor to get me an "a." but you know how chicks are. she forgot to mention me. [ laughter and applause ] my girlfriend's really sensitive, overly sensitive, i think. the other day she got a haircut, got two inches cut off her hair and came home and cried for two

hours over a haircut. i couldn't believe it. so finally, i went to her, i said, "baby, what are you so upset about? it's just a haircut. i'm the one who's got to find a new girlfriend." [ laughter and applause ] yeah, she got mad. [ laughter ] she got really mad at me the other day because she had sent me a naked picture of herself, you know, to have on the cell phone. it's a nice thing to do. you guys have those. [ laughter ] but i accidentally sent it to both of my parents. she was really mad. but i had to call my mother and say, "mom, i am so sorry, that picture was just for dad." [ laughter ]

my dad has been having problems hanging on to his car keys. he keeps losing them. he's tried everything. a little hook next to the door, a bowl next to his bed, a key chain that makes a noise when you whistle. nothing worked. so finally, this year, for his birthday, the whole family chipped in, and we put him in a home. [ laughter and applause ] oh, man. i should have opened with that. [ laughter ] my dad was an amazing man, amazing guy. back in the day, he raised five boys all by himself, without the rest of us knowing. i mean, that's -- [ laughter ] incredible. here's good news. my cousin just had a baby. so cute, little newborn. she wouldn't let me hold him.

she refuses. she says, "no way, anthony. i'm afraid you're going to drop him." i'm 31 years old. like i'm some kind of idiot. like i don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby. [ laughter ] look, i don't want to brag, but yesterday, i accidentally hit a little kid with my car. [ light laughter ] it wasn't serious. nobody saw me. [ laughter ] because that would have been embarrassing. [ light laughter ] i don't get -- it's hard to embarrass a comedian really. but i did get embarrassed a couple weeks ago. i'm at the beach. i see this gorgeou